Hellraiser: Revelations (2011)-Review

Caution Spoilers

Watch it or not judgement:

If you have watched the eight before... go ahead and watch this one.

Synopsis:

In this ninth installment of the Hellraiser franchise, two friends discover a puzzle box in Mexico, which opens a gateway to Hell. Before long, dermatological nightmare Pinhead has returned to make the lives of everyone in his way miserable.

Review:

I went into Hellraiser: Revelations with low expectations. There have been 8 incarnations of Hellraiser prior to this one, as noted above. I hated some, loathed others, and even liked a couple.

That said, I was hoping for some nudity and ample blood as well as carnage, of course. I know with an internet full of porn that makes no sense. However, I long for the good ole days when horror had nudity, blood, and made you scared of everything, even a mouse’s shadow... not this PG13 crap we are served these days.... The good news is that we get a little blood and nudity, which is only good in the movies kids.

In the beginning, Hellraiser: Revelations was annoying. The shaky Blair Witch type of camera work by Steve and Nico turned me off, instantly. It felt like meta, I hate meta. However, the film gets away from it relatively quick and it actually made sense later on in the film. How, you might ask?

The boys are on a quick trip down to Mexico for a donkey show and to get laid. (See what I did there?) No, there was not donkey show but there was this one chick, which Nico bangs in the bathroom. Steve passes out, in the bathroom, and when he comes to, the chick is dead. Steve and Nico (Nico is really evil) decide that they are screwed. Then, a vagrant gives them, Nico specifically, the puzzle box. The puzzle box is how you summon Pinhead. Pinhead is the bad guy for you horror virgins, though he seems nice to me in this movie.

Now, when you summon Pinhead, all hell breaks loose. We are deprived of the total decent into madness of Nico and Steve until later in the film, which is fine. Flash forward, to some undisclosed amount of time, and we see the remnants of two broken families.

Emma, a hot blond, who does not get nude, comes off as a self-entitled bitch. You want to dislike her but she will win you over. The video the boys shot earlier comes back into play and Emma watches it. In essence, the movie the boys shot was not that interesting to the coppers who let the family, keep it as well as all the other stuff such as the puzzle box.

After Emma watches the boys movie, the dark seeds of destruction are sown, in her. She goes to her family; think of teen going to ask what the hell is going on.... Steve, who is actually Nico since he skinned his best friend alive, shows up, almost instantly.

Steve looks gaunt and lost to the world. We are filled on how Nico came back from the dead, in flashback that just barely work. Steve kills hookers to bring Nico back. Then, Steve refuses to kill a hooker with a kid and makes Nico do it, we do not see the baby or lady of the night get killed only hear it, which worked for me. Of course, Nico explodes when Steve says he is out and there is a cliché about clothes off my back. To which Nico says I do not want your clothes. He means he wants Steve’s skin.

Steve is sick still and Emma brings him some soup. They make out. Yes, Emma makes out with her brother., No, she does not know is her brother and even if she did it is still Jerry Springer wrong, right? After Steve grabs a boob, there is some freaky flayed flesh meshing, and then, Emma runs away, mortified, I guess. At this point in the movie the audience figures out something is not right with Steve. (I had not figured out that it was Nico... but I am three kinds of slow.)

The vagrant that gave the box to Nico shows up, one of the dads gets his face cut up with a sickle and dies, but that dad deserves it since he shot at the vagrant. Then, we get Steve’s big reveal that he is really Nico. It is annoying and protracted. The only good part is that Nico taunts Emma’s dad, Ross, about how he banged her. Nico also taunts Emma about making out with her own brother, which was predictable horror comfort food, if you ask me.

As we move towards the climax Nico forces Emma to open the box. Pinhead shows up. Nico explains that he was not the one that summoned Pinhead, it was Emma. Pinhead only has eyes for Nico/Steve though. Pinhead does some killing because one of the mom figures speaks; it is Nico’s mom, who does not get nude.

Pinhead explains that he is there for Nico (not in an I love you sort of way, lest you be confused, it more like, I want to wear your skin, lover). Nico acts like a little girl about it. Pinhead is very reasonable, which is not like him at all. Of course, Pinhead loses that cool when Ross, Emma’s dad, shoots him. Nico thanks Ross.

Pinhead talks about how Nico would have endured an eternity of torment at his hands. Pinhead continues talking about how someone must take Nico’s place, it is Ross’ wife. We get to classic hooks and chains kill the loving mother....

Pinhead also clues Ross in on the fact that Emma will be his someday, in the future. Emma is bad and we know this because she flirted with Nico’s dad earlier, kissed her own brother, and had premarital sex.

In short, there will probably be a tenth Hellraiser movie. As for titles it might be Hellraiser: Emma’s Destiny or Hellraiser: The Next Generation or simply Hellraiser: 2012, who knows. I can only hope that it is not rated PG13.

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